Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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