I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize