My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
