Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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