bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
