I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My cat gives me a boner
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
