but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
