she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
