she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
