I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
