I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
