the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
