I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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