my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
