Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
