mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
