dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My life is pants optional.
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