just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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