this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
