Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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