SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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