Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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