So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
