Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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