Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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