my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
