its not stalking. its research.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
