Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
