I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
