omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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