i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
