Don't make out with my wife yet
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
