You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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