: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
