Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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