in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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