Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
