Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
