Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
3 2 1 whiskey
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
