I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
