I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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