Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
