You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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