Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I could make wine with my vomit
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
