True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
