waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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