Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
