got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sober January is a disaster.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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