Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
