Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
