I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
