I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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