As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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