I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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