idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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