Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
