Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
