I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
