Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
