Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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