Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
