I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
are you so shy because you have an std?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
